How many of you look in the mirror and hate what you see?
How many of you hear others say you look great, but you are just not feeling
it? Well, folks, this is me. Every. Day. I have struggled with weight my whole
life. I have been up and down so many times I feel like a yo-yo. But one thing
has always remained the same. No matter how much weight I gained or lost, I
hated what I saw in the mirror. And I was so afraid of the scale that my
husband actually threw it out because I would cry and obsess and dig myself far
deeper into self-hatred.
I think it’s important to talk about our self-image as you
all start this powerlifting journey. For me, my image started to change for the
better as I got stronger. But as I got stronger, I started to gain weight back
that I literally worked my ass off to lose. It got to me. It still gets to me. The
chattering monkeys in my brain started telling me to stop lifting. Stop eating.
You are doing it all wrong! I obsessed over every little thing I put in my
mouth and then wondered why my workouts sucked because I didn’t have the energy
to finish them.
I’d like to say that one day it all changed, but it didn’t.
I still worry about it. BUT, I worry a lot more about how much weight is on the
bar and how my form looks. My confidence outweighs my insecurities. The only
thing I am looking at in the mirror now is if I am squatting to depth.
I guess the reason I am posting this is so you all know you
are not alone. This is something everyone struggles with. We were all taught
that you have to look a certain way. Women should be thin and fair, and pretty
to look at. My personal struggle with this teaches me everyday that the scale
is a liar, and maybe I am heavier because there is just too much personality in
me to put in a 120lb body. That the mirror only reflects the form and not the
fierce warrior that I am on the inside.
The great thing about powerlifting is that it doesn’t matter
what you look like, or your weight, or size. The only thing that matters is
getting that damn bar off the ground. And isn’t that the only thing that
matters anyway? I mean, really, it only matters that we keep moving the bar, (metaphorically)
higher and farther in our lives. That we keep striving for our best selves.
Keep pushing ladies!
Raising The Bar 